Saturday, November 7, 2009

Department of Mental Hygiene

It's been a busy week and I've made some bad choices. My liver is crying. I'm taking a mental health day. And by taking a mental health day I mean going to work like usual, but then maybe going to yoga later and ending up in bed by 8pm with a DVD of Sunset Boulevard and some dinner most likely made from a box.

...

(homework help)
Me: So, after reading this article, can you tell me what monument you'd like to write about?
G: Let's ask Miss J., she knows how to do the homework!
Me: I know how to do the homework, I'm just trying to help you with it!
G: Then what's the answer?
Me: Why don't we look at these pictures again...which one do you want to write about?
G: This one.
Me: The Taos Pueblo. Write that over there.
G: We have that word like in Spanish, but it's puebla.
Me: I've been there, to the Pueblo. Do you think you'd like to go there?
G: It looks like Mexico, like hot.
Me: It is hot, you're right! Why do you think this monument is in danger?
G: Um...because...these people be leaving trash everywhere.
Me: That's right. They're tourists. They're littering. Do you know what "tourist" means? Have you ever been to the Statue of Liberty?
G: When I was inside my mom.
Me: You were a tourist.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

HEARTBEAD OF THE WILD

Hattie: my new phone is made out of corn
me: pardon?
Hattie: let me find the box
Hattie: huh
Hattie: well when i bought it it said it was made out of 80% of corn based materials or something
it's eco friendly
and really light weight
me: aww
that is cute
Hattie: guess what color it is
me: YELLOW
Hattie: think leigh
me: PINK
GREEN GREEN
Hattie: green green!!11!
me: hahahahaha
Hattie: haha oh man the ringers are hilarious
they're all natured base
theres
night essence, in a stream, on a journey, driving in wave, HEARTBEAD OF THE WILD, across the sun, a world of the brave, vagabond, a breeze of the sea, and jungle reunion
me: how does anyone choose!?
Hattie: by the sound
all of them are kinda crazy
cuz its not just animals
its like the sounds of animals or waves crashing plus soft techno jazz music

Anagrams - Lorrie Moore

In bed I tried to be simple and straightforward. "Gerard, I need to know: Do you love me?"

"I love being with you," he said, as if this were even better. (26)

...

My new apartment might be in a place where there are lots of children. They might gather on my porch to play, and when I step out for groceries, they will ask me, "Hi, do you have any kids?" and then "Why not, don't you like kids?"

"I like kids," I will explain. "I like kids very much." And when I almost run over them with my car, in my driveway, I will feel many different things. (53)

...

My husband was a lawyer. I met him at the firm I worked for in New York, right after I dropped out of grad school. I got married, not because I'd met Mr. Right, but simply because I felt like getting married. That was also back in the days when I would shave one leg and not the other, just to see what would happen. But I had, I thought, figured it out. People didn't get married because they had found someone. It wasn't a treasure hunt. It was more like musical chairs: Wherever you were when the music of being single stopped, that's where you sat. I was twenty-six when the notes started winding down and going minor. A dark loneliness, in a raincoat and fedora, scuffed in instead. Or maybe I was just tired of saying I was twenty-six years old and having it sound like "I am a transsexual." (75)

Monday, October 19, 2009

Watching West Side Story in Sheepshead Bay

- Why are they snapping like that?
- BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT PEOPLE DID IN THE '70S!
- SHH I CAN'T HEAR
- YOU'RE STOOPIT
- NO YOU'RE STOOPIT
- Miss Leigh, are they dead?
- Are who dead, these actors? In real life?
- Yes.
- Maybe some of them...
- Why are they dancing?
- You dance like that.
- I do not!
(enter Bernardo)
- Oooh, Michael Jackson!
- That's not Michael Jackson, that's Elvis!
- SHHHH!
- He said, BEAT IT! HAHAHAHA BEAT IT!
- Are they going to have a dance off?
(me laughing hysterically)
- They actually do have a dance off, later in the movie.
- I knew it!

Let the wild rumpus start.

The movie was beautiful. I felt what Jonze and Eggers pulled off best was capturing the intense loneliness of childhood, and the journeys of imagination which spring from that. It's a dark film, but so is childhood, so are so many of the stories we tell to children. When children play make believe, they play war, they play "pretend our parents are dead and now we're orphans."

I thought the island scenes were a little meandering and plotless, fine to have come from a boy's imagination, but not interesting enough to watch for forty minutes. Julia and I talked about how scary it was when one of the beasts lost an arm, and they just laughed it off. In Max's world, creatures have emotions, but no physical harm can come to them.

I want to find out how kids respond to the movie, but in the meantime, here are some highlights from the Times blog:

I wish I was a kid.
sadly this movie is empty of emotion, dull, yet visually beautiful. As a creative person I can appreciate the effort taken to create such lively characters that create rich expressions, however, unless you are totally stoned, I doubt you will enjoy this film.

Not a Proper Review, But Rather a Rant.
Maybe it would have been better if this movie was rated PG-13, but even that wouldn't stop you people from bringing your kids to see it. This is a great movie, and in my opinion you people are just complaining about it because it's not exactly appropiate for little kids. Realistly, if a kid went off into a far away island where the wild things reside, (pun not intended), this movie shows exactly what would happen. I mean, it's just like Transformers all over again

Ruined a Children's classic!
I am so very sad tonight! My family awoke this morning ready to go see this movie which we have been waiting to see for months! Now I wish I could go back in time and just have stayed home and read the book to them again and used our imaginations as to the adventure Max goes on. They changed the most important part of the book which is that Max goes to his room, his safe-haven, after fighting with his mom. There in his room he allows his imagination to take him away to a land where he could be better understood. BUT in the movie, they have Max run out of the house down a dark street to a beach and set off on a real boat. A child will not be able to connect that this is where the fantasy begins.....He does something terribly unsafe by running away and it is never addressed. I think the director and producers should be ashamed of themselves for taking advantage of families by taking our money on the premise that we would see a wonderful story come to life and instead sent us home having to have deep discussions with our children about safety and the difference between fantasy and realism. PLEASE go see the movie without your kids!

Money in the pocket
This movie should have been called "My favorite childhood book was 'Where the Wild Things Are' so I wrote a movie based on it".

Sad, Depressing, Morbidly Melancholy
Probably the most depressing film I have seen in years!

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Where is Egypt

Genuine thanks to everyone who came to the library reading last night. I think it was a success. It felt like a success. It felt like Hogwarts. I'm blessed to have so many friends.

For those who were there, you'll know what I mean about the intense pressure to maintain the hilarity of this blog...but the only way to really maintain the hilarity is to have my kids continue to say ridiculous things on a daily basis. Good news. Today I asked the kindergarteners to think of some animals who live in Africa (leading up to us performing the first 30 seconds of "The Circle of Life").

M: Jaguars!
Me: Sure, jaguars...what else?
A: I am in Africa.
Me: You are in Africa? No, where are you? Where is A?
Class: IN AMERICA!
Me: You're in America!
A: My grandpa...
Adult Counselor: She's not from Africa, she's from Egypt like me.
Me: You're from Egypt? But Egypt is in Africa!
Adult Counselor: No it's not.
Me: (sound of my brain exploding)

***Let it be known that there is no way in hell I could make any of this up. Someone thought that Monday's wild things remarks were INVENTED.

LIKE I COULD INVENT THAT

I am not nearly that creative.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Day 16

4th Grade Boys: Miss Leigh! Miss Leigh! Instead of watching a movie, can we have drama class with you?
Me: You've already had drama class for TWO HOURS today!
4th Grade Boys: Please!
Me: Sorry, I have to go home now, you guys.
4th Grade Boys: But we'll let you be the king of the wild things! Please! We love you so!