Things to Do the Next Time You're at a Restaurant
1. Let your young children wander the aisles, where they're likely to be tripped over, because it adds a fun, extra challenge for the waitstaff.
2. Leave a 10% tip for dinner and three rounds of drinks after you've taken up a table for two hours.
3. Actually, don't tip at all. $2.48 an hour should be enough for anyone to live off of.
4. Refuse to have your chili put on the side, even though you've never had chili before, and then complain that your meal is so spicy it's inedible. Also refuse your waitress when she offers to bring you water. Complain about the onion rings, too, but don't complain until after you've eaten all of them.
I'm currently reading The Doctor's House, Petropolis, and Utopia Parkway. Dancing Girl Press is going to publish my chapbook How to Mend a Broken Heart with Vengeance next June.