Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Hedda Gabler Maui Cowgirl

The last time I felt like this was the winter of 2007/8, in New Mexico. I lost the same amount of weight. I stared at the wall. Leaden limbs. Our neighbor Jeff ran into me on my way to the mailbox, and asked if he could come over later. He had a leather jacket his girlfriend didn't want, and he wanted to see me try it on. When he came to the door, I asked Jason not to let him in, but he did anyway, and I had to put on that leather jacket for everyone and stand there. It was a horrible jacket. The first time we ever met Jeff, he offered us cocaine, and called Jason "Hollywood." I never got a nickname. We went for a ride in his truck to the Walgreens, and he hit another car, busted his side mirror, came over later to apologize with a few ears of corn.

Something that is still interesting to me right now is dressing up. Today I'm wearing pink and blue and white and grey, like my idea of Scandinavia. And a pink orchid in my hair. And cowboy boots. I've been wearing the same grey cardigan almost every day for over a week. I'm constantly cold, unless I'm in bed. My hands are never warm anymore.

No comments: