Wednesday, March 23, 2011

How to Catch a Cold

1. Quit one of your jobs. Cry for at least one day, and then intermittently thereafter.

2. Have your last week at said job coincide with your midterm exams.

3. Alternate between work, school, and insomnia. Stop crying. Go back to being dead inside.

4. Study for 8 hours for the two exams that will turn out to be the easiest. Study modernism for 20 minutes and live to regret it.

5. Never see or talk to your friends unless they are in the room with you while you study.

6. Have the worst migraine you've had in a year for about fourteen hours. Go take your philosophy midterm even though you feel blind and high.

7. Don't get enough sleep because you didn't take your sleeping pill because you thought you'd be too groggy in the morning before your next midterms.

8. Catch cold.

9. Attend surprise going away party thrown by the 4th grade class and eat chocolate-covered rice krispie treat. Receive letters and pictures and cards from everyone, including this one:

Dear Miss Leigh,

I'll miss you. You were the best teacher I ever had. You make drama fun. You're the only teacher I know that likes Greek myths.

Your [sic] truly,


10. Go in the bathroom and cry.

11. Then it hails.

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